Today was pretty chill. I woke up and just relaxed watching The Wire. It’s a good show. I finished season 2. Woooo!
It’s funny how life changes so much. For good or for worse. For example, months ago all was amazing. A month ago all that fell to shit. As of today, things are better. It’s nice to hear people believe me. At the end of the day all I have is my word. My word is what gives rise to my integrity. If I lose that, I lose me. I haven’t. I don’t think I will. What I will do is stand up for myself and show others the truth. That’s what I’m doing. It’s going well so far.
It’s scary to me to think I predicted the future. Well, if I didn’t predict it, I certainly made it happen. My own fears became reality because my stupid fucking ass assembled every piece against myself. When you’re terrified you tend to move against your own sanity. That’s what I did. Austin is going to pick Tyler has his big bro. I lost AJ to David and then to Tyler, and now I’ve lost Austin to Tyler. Damn, I can’t fucking believe it. To think, when I look back at all this, it all started with me just trying to look out for someone. And everyone has a fucking opinion on it. And you know what mine is? Perhaps I cared too much. And I still do. But for my happiness I have to let it all go. People are something else, and most importantly. I can’t be afraid of losing them. I’ve lost way too many people to this thing called life. I’m not the lone survivor because they’re all still breathing, they’re just not here with me.
I’m used to losing people. Make no mistake, that doesn’t mean I want to, it means I can’t allow myself to not be honest about things. I have to be real. It’s all I ever wanted to do growing up. Be real because no one was with me.
So with that said, it’s time I start acting like Salinger, and not this fucking wreck that has been taking his place.
It’s time I rise. I’ve been backstabbed, fooled, and played.
It’s time to recover. It’s time to be happy.
Here I go.